My dad taught me how not to lie.
There were several instances growing up where I noticed my father focusing on one simple thing to teach us. This was never to lie. I never understood how a white lie would harm anyone but that was really different when it came to my dad. He would be mad when he found me telling my friends I was on my way when I was still at the house.
Living in Ethiopia, there is one thing you can count on for sure and that is the lights going out whenever there is rain. Tonight was no different. However, I see these as opportunities to deeply conversate with my parents, unlike other times were our TV tells us how much people have died by Covid-19 or what the government plans to do about the election.
We started our talks with simple topics around our country and my personal life. One thing led to another and mid-way to our conversation we found ourselves talking about my dad’s childhood and how he came about. I always knew that my dad had a rough childhood and the 1960s was not that kind for youngsters at that time. His family was also not well of and had to struggle to meet ends. But there was one thing they held on tight and that was their faith. My dad would be forced by his father to read out all the 150 psalms on David orally without a mistake, and their dad never joked about this. Through his childhood he never really sat down with his dad and discussed life nor did he know anything about him. For him his dad was the master and well he was the abider, to put it lightly. Growing up my dad was a trouble child who was also a smart student and his father was well proud of him.
One of the days when my dad was a teenager he was out playing with his friends which his father had observed from afar. After a long playful day with his friends, he made sure to get home before his father arrived. A few moments later he found his name being called by his father in what sounded like a punishment was underway. He rushed to where his father was sitting and stood firm, like a soldier ready to take an order. His father then slowly started to ask a simple question “Didn’t I tell you to study?”. Whether this statement had been said or not didn’t matter, all you were expected to say was “yes” which was what my father replied. “So did you study today or were you playing?” By this time any sane person would be quick to notice that a question like this would only be raised if there was proof for exactly what had taken place. My dad, through experiencing multiple beatings before, had noticed a pattern with his father. His father hated lying and he hated anyone who lied to him. Almost all his siblings including him had had a test of the *long stick by lying about what they did; he was not going to let that happen. “I was playing” he answered quickly, to his dad’s surprise. “You were playing”? asked the father. ”Yes” replied my dad confirming what his father had heard. “Well I told you that you should give priority to your studies and you should listen to that, now go away”. That was it. No yelling, screaming nor beating followed to the statement and my dad was free to go. That was when he really understood the term “The truth shall set you free”. He thought to himself if it was that simple, and it was, all he had to do was tell the truth and that was it.
As he ended this story I asked him one simple question. “What do you feel like if you lie right now”? He answered me with this “ I can tolerate lying for a maximum of 5 minutes, after that my body starts to feel strange and I remember those days. That is how my dad taught me not to lie.”
As a 90’s generation, everyone including me might disagree on the way children were raised in the past. We try to come up with ways to teach our children the best that we have to offer and hope that they catch it. I am not a supporter of being an autocrat, but I am a supporter of figuring out smart ways to teach your children the key values they shouldn’t miss out on. We think we are so equipped with technology we tend to forget the human aspects we can teach our children. So, maybe we need to have a conversation or two with our parents and hear what they have to say for a change.
Just food for thought.
*The long stick was made out of the skin of a Hippo and treated by rubbing hardly using lemon. A skin touched by this would feel the burn all night.
